Saturday, December 12, 2009

Chopped and Screwed



today: december 12th 2009.


then: december 12th 1971




my parents made love




my mother:


for the first time


finally touched


by a man she consented this time to enter her




my father:


a sleek and smooth two feet and 8 wheels


picked women at his leisure... for his leisure think (sweetness in roll bounce)




me a nebula




on this day we picked each other and in 1972 our worlds collided.




my mother wanted to marry my father


says she was in love


my father could not afford to marry her


she wanted the finer things at 16




my mother:




she is still holding on to that hurt now with anger


she is still holding on to the fantasy coated in the fog of delusion


she watched soap operas


handed me coloring books


shhh do not disturb her




my father was suppose to show up


and be her everything


he did not save her


from her own domestic demise


so she went bitter




I learned today he did show up


it was taken for granted


he did not show up


and meet her exact expectations


but meeting a responsibility was offered


she rejected as not good enough


NO ring


NO house


NO car


NO wedding


she took me and ran


she ran in the name of protecting me


they called her unfit


they called her too many names to bounce back from




Atlantic city New Jersey:




alone


abandoned in rented in motel rooms


on broad walks


stuck to tables eating maple syrup


while she went to work


and 'Danced"


phone call made by a neighbor to home

come get the baby

Custody battle later...




enrolled me in Montessori schools Age 3 I was learning french


included me on family trips to Tennessee to experience Native American pow wows
Diisneyland
provided me a stable happy life.

Mom found out...thought the love and acceptance for me would turn into love and acceptance of her.

I became the bargining tool of her self serving manipulation

I guess she expected it to be all bad
came back and stayed for awhile

We stayed till I was 5 still untouched and innocent


4 comments:

  1. you are not playing. this is an amazing example of why writing is so incredibly necessary.

    ReplyDelete
  2. is this you summer breeze? a promise is a promise..ur right I'm not holding back at all!

    ReplyDelete
  3. i love where you are going with this blog. and can't wait to journey with you.
    i think it's time women start to be honest with themselves.

    ReplyDelete