Saturday, December 12, 2009

Chopped and Screwed

today: december 12th 2009.

then: december 12th 1971

my parents made love

my mother:

for the first time

finally touched

by a man she consented this time to enter her

my father:

a sleek and smooth two feet and 8 wheels

picked women at his leisure... for his leisure think (sweetness in roll bounce)

me a nebula

on this day we picked each other and in 1972 our worlds collided.

my mother wanted to marry my father

says she was in love

my father could not afford to marry her

she wanted the finer things at 16

my mother:

she is still holding on to that hurt now with anger

she is still holding on to the fantasy coated in the fog of delusion

she watched soap operas

handed me coloring books

shhh do not disturb her

my father was suppose to show up

and be her everything

he did not save her

from her own domestic demise

so she went bitter

I learned today he did show up

it was taken for granted

he did not show up

and meet her exact expectations

but meeting a responsibility was offered

she rejected as not good enough

NO ring

NO house

NO car

NO wedding

she took me and ran

she ran in the name of protecting me

they called her unfit

they called her too many names to bounce back from

Atlantic city New Jersey:


abandoned in rented in motel rooms

on broad walks

stuck to tables eating maple syrup

while she went to work

and 'Danced"

phone call made by a neighbor to home

come get the baby

Custody battle later...

enrolled me in Montessori schools Age 3 I was learning french

included me on family trips to Tennessee to experience Native American pow wows
provided me a stable happy life.

Mom found out...thought the love and acceptance for me would turn into love and acceptance of her.

I became the bargining tool of her self serving manipulation

I guess she expected it to be all bad
came back and stayed for awhile

We stayed till I was 5 still untouched and innocent


  1. you are not playing. this is an amazing example of why writing is so incredibly necessary.

  2. is this you summer breeze? a promise is a promise..ur right I'm not holding back at all!

  3. i love where you are going with this blog. and can't wait to journey with you.
    i think it's time women start to be honest with themselves.