Tuesday, January 5, 2010
holding my truths to be self evident
There are really big problems in the world and to further discuss my own life makes me feel narcissistic. Yet on the other hand, I can only share my personal truth, my personal reasoning about life in general and how I relate to the world. The way I see it is.... I only have control over myself , and at my age and physical capabilities, I am the one thing I can change in the world. I am choosing the path of fighting my personal Human Revolution, I am flawed by human error so I do kick my own ass (I have fight club moments) I pray my attempt to make a difference in my own life, becomes synonymous with making a contribution to making a difference in the world. (especially for colored girls when I say colored I mean black brown red blue yellow green and pink). I pray my method of changing/shifting my family Karma is as effective as my mentors Buddhist Scholar Daisaku Ikeda.
I love and honor those who really "see" me, I even love and honor the ones who underestimate me, and mistake my openness for weakness...shame on you... but thank you for showing me who you are and you will get to know/see me in time....I'm sure there was a day when we both agreed and enjoyed each other.
Now, my contributions... I pray they assist on a profound level cause the shit I shovel through daily is pretty profound. All i know how to do is share, give, and love. and i am learning boundaries. There are so many languages in the world...so to speak a shared language is awesome. To find the communal connectivity of a tribe is truth of ones worldliness. I like to think of myself as A Tribal Multilingual and Translator.
For every state I have lived in I have gravitated to my tribe.
Today I am recluse by choice. Winter is a war. I am hibernating and rehabilitating. Spending my days Cross intersecting my Life Theory with Philosophy, Religion, and Science with Mathematics, Cosmology, and Sacred Ideology with Hip Hop, Feminism, Cultural Anthropology and Visual Aesthetics and Color Theory ... life is art. I hold my truths to be self evident. I make my most earnest attempts to practice objectivity, but even when I am being objective, my tolerance levels fluctuate from a very low tolerance for mediocrity to a very high expected discernment. I've been told I'm very all or nothing... yet I'm the most flexible and person I know. I observe then make choices. simply complex. people call that judging. I'm not judging... if your right or wrong good or bad that's your call.. own it. I am praying we all take a hard look at ourselves No one is perfect at best we can be honestly self-aware. So really what I'm doing is choosing..choosing if the actions and choices you make (based on your display of charter) will best serve me....always DO YOU.. and please be authentic. own it! Confess that we are learning. really we all have something to learn. At this point the peacefulness of a tribe is when you don't have to dissect to figure these conclusions. With a tribe your mind, body, and heart can be still you honor see and feel how you are one. There is time to laugh, eat, pray, smile. and Exhale.
I miss the exhale.
Bartered it in southern towns as a spiritual frequency
of glory for pre paid earnings
post-disposition, anxiety, and disillusionment.
These days I feel detached, displaced, and shipwrecked
To breathe deep
is now accompanied by tears
both silent in their existence
holding my breath
as not to scream under water.
emotional tidal waves
in panic and anguish
In an attempt
to took a jump upward
briefly crossed paths with a former lifeguard
took it as a highly favored sign (along with two others)
that he could see me drowning
and teach me how to swim
I made the conclusion it's what he was trained to do
but that was too long ago
to apply it to current circumstance
I feel we all have the compassion to take all people into consideration w/o the intent of self serving manipulation.